First and foremost, this blog is amazing and you should check it out. While checking it out myself, I was reminded of a simple, but cool concept. The Pigeonhole Principle. I'm going to use an example similar to the one on the blog.
Suppose there are 11 pigeons trying to roost in 10 pigeonholes. At least one of those holes is going to end up with 2 or more pigeons. Sounds obvious right? What if I told you there are at least two (non-bald) people in Seattle, Washington with the same number of hairs on their head? Doesn't sound so obvious, but that's exactly why the pigeonhole principle is cool!
Most, if not all people, have fewer than 200,000 hairs on their head. There are more than 600,000 people living in Seattle. There are more people (pigeons) than possible numbers of hairs (pigeonholes). The same is true for any city with enough people.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Time to Find a Job
Whelp, it's been nine months since I left my job and moved back to my favorite state. I've used up most of my savings, and it's time I got back into the working world. I'm going to write a new resume, set up a website, and start filling out applications.
It's been fun while it lasted, but I can't go on forever without an income. It'd be a lie to say my time away from work turned out the way I'd hoped. I didn't accomplish as much as I had wanted to, and I spent too much time worrying and feeling guilty for one reason or another. However, I don't regret the experience. Perhaps the timing of it, but not the experience itself. I learned a lot and got to enjoy life for a while.
I intend to keep working on my various projects, even after I get a job. I also intend to keep up this blog. It's become almost like a journal for me. Obviously, I'll have less time to devote to these things, so I might have reduce the updates to once every two weeks.
It's still too early to do a post-mortem on the experience, but that might be something I do at some point. Until then, I'm going to focus on the job hunt and enjoy the remaining free time I have left!
It's been fun while it lasted, but I can't go on forever without an income. It'd be a lie to say my time away from work turned out the way I'd hoped. I didn't accomplish as much as I had wanted to, and I spent too much time worrying and feeling guilty for one reason or another. However, I don't regret the experience. Perhaps the timing of it, but not the experience itself. I learned a lot and got to enjoy life for a while.
I intend to keep working on my various projects, even after I get a job. I also intend to keep up this blog. It's become almost like a journal for me. Obviously, I'll have less time to devote to these things, so I might have reduce the updates to once every two weeks.
It's still too early to do a post-mortem on the experience, but that might be something I do at some point. Until then, I'm going to focus on the job hunt and enjoy the remaining free time I have left!
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
My Experience as a Man
I've been putting this off for far too long. This particular train of thought was sparked by a friend's personal response to #YesAllWomen and by this blog post.
First of all, I think the #YesAllWomen campaign is a good thing. I think that hearing these stories from people they know is hitting home with a lot of people, men in particular. I know it did so for me. That said, I'm not going to say much more about it. I'm a man, so I'm only equipped to give a man's perspective, and it's men that I'm going to be talking about primarily in this post. Please bear with me if I begin to sound like I'm dipping into asshole playing devil's advocate territory. That is honestly not my intention.
I think we need to focus more on men. That's not to say we should stop focusing on women, and it's not to say that the problems men face compare to the problems women face. However, it is my opinion that in focusing on women we tend to treat the symptoms of sexism more often than the causes. This is a good thing. We should be treating the symptoms. But unless we treat the causes, those symptoms will keep showing up.
It's my opinion that a lot of those causes can be found in men's culture. And contrary to what I've heard a lot of feminists say, I think it has less to do with how men see women and more to do with how men see themselves. Men spend their entire lives trying to prove themselves to the world, and more importantly, to themselves. Part of that includes proving themselves sexually, and despite the fact that this leads to absolutely horrible consequences for women, it's really not about them. For the men preying on women, and even for the men who aren't, it's about building up and cementing an identity.
I remember when I lost my virginity. It was good, and I was happy to be moving forward in my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. I was also hugely relieved. Relieved because I had felt so... inadequate for having not so much as kissed a girl until I was in my early twenties. Paradoxically, I felt also guilty for feeling that relief. I was afraid that perhaps part of me had only sought out the relationship so I could say I was no longer a virgin.
Men don't say this often, but many of us are deeply afraid of being like that. I think that fear has a lot to do with so called 'nice guys'. Fear sometimes has a funny way of turning you into exactly what you're afraid of becoming.
If I could, I would tell my younger self, and other young men, the following: It's okay if you want sex. You're allowed to want it. Wanting it doesn't mean you don't care about the other person. If you get turned down, you're allowed to feel disappointed. But it's not the end of the world. Don't take it out on the other person. They didn't do anything wrong, and it's not okay to treat them badly for your own hurt feelings.
I also remember when I came out as bisexual. I'm sure some people still suspect that I'm secretly just gay. I myself still worry that I might be holding on to the label as a way of preserving my male identity. In any case, the experience was awkward, but hugely relieving. For comparison's sake, the relief from losing my virginity didn't even come close.
I no longer had to pretend I wasn't interested in half the people I'd ever been interested in. It was also relieving in another way that I hadn't expected. Men are trained from birth to avoid behavior that could even be construed as feminine. Like most men, that fear was always in the back of my mind, even when I was alone. After I came out, that fear started to go away.
I suppose I figured that even if I slipped up on being manly from time to time, I'd still fall short of the usual stereotypes. Even so, my behavior didn't really change; I didn't suddenly turn into Jack from Will and Grace. I remember one time shortly after I came out, my mom, in an awkward attempt to be supportive, made some joke about being one of the girls. I think when she saw the confused look on my face she understood that I was still the same person, and I am happy to say that that one small thing was also the last.
When I started dating men, I noticed how differently I treated them. I was always more careful with women. I was worried about being too forward, about making them uncomfortable, or forcing myself on them. I didn't worry about that so much with men. In fact, I basically felt as though anything short of violent assault would be taken in stride. If they were uncomfortable, they would stop me, because they could.
I have since realized how warped both those views are, and have been trying to find a happy medium between them. It's not easy reversing years of psychological conditioning, and my view of men is still hurting my current relationship, but I feel that I am slowly making progress.
I didn't expect this post to turn into a confession of my own experiences, but it seems to have done that. But I'm still going to wrap up with what I originally intended. If we want things to get better for women, we have to think about the experiences of men. We need to stop telling boys how to be men, and start telling them how to be people. Because that voice in the back of our heads isn't just hurting us, it's hurting everyone.
First of all, I think the #YesAllWomen campaign is a good thing. I think that hearing these stories from people they know is hitting home with a lot of people, men in particular. I know it did so for me. That said, I'm not going to say much more about it. I'm a man, so I'm only equipped to give a man's perspective, and it's men that I'm going to be talking about primarily in this post. Please bear with me if I begin to sound like I'm dipping into asshole playing devil's advocate territory. That is honestly not my intention.
I think we need to focus more on men. That's not to say we should stop focusing on women, and it's not to say that the problems men face compare to the problems women face. However, it is my opinion that in focusing on women we tend to treat the symptoms of sexism more often than the causes. This is a good thing. We should be treating the symptoms. But unless we treat the causes, those symptoms will keep showing up.
It's my opinion that a lot of those causes can be found in men's culture. And contrary to what I've heard a lot of feminists say, I think it has less to do with how men see women and more to do with how men see themselves. Men spend their entire lives trying to prove themselves to the world, and more importantly, to themselves. Part of that includes proving themselves sexually, and despite the fact that this leads to absolutely horrible consequences for women, it's really not about them. For the men preying on women, and even for the men who aren't, it's about building up and cementing an identity.
I remember when I lost my virginity. It was good, and I was happy to be moving forward in my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. I was also hugely relieved. Relieved because I had felt so... inadequate for having not so much as kissed a girl until I was in my early twenties. Paradoxically, I felt also guilty for feeling that relief. I was afraid that perhaps part of me had only sought out the relationship so I could say I was no longer a virgin.
Men don't say this often, but many of us are deeply afraid of being like that. I think that fear has a lot to do with so called 'nice guys'. Fear sometimes has a funny way of turning you into exactly what you're afraid of becoming.
If I could, I would tell my younger self, and other young men, the following: It's okay if you want sex. You're allowed to want it. Wanting it doesn't mean you don't care about the other person. If you get turned down, you're allowed to feel disappointed. But it's not the end of the world. Don't take it out on the other person. They didn't do anything wrong, and it's not okay to treat them badly for your own hurt feelings.
I also remember when I came out as bisexual. I'm sure some people still suspect that I'm secretly just gay. I myself still worry that I might be holding on to the label as a way of preserving my male identity. In any case, the experience was awkward, but hugely relieving. For comparison's sake, the relief from losing my virginity didn't even come close.
I no longer had to pretend I wasn't interested in half the people I'd ever been interested in. It was also relieving in another way that I hadn't expected. Men are trained from birth to avoid behavior that could even be construed as feminine. Like most men, that fear was always in the back of my mind, even when I was alone. After I came out, that fear started to go away.
I suppose I figured that even if I slipped up on being manly from time to time, I'd still fall short of the usual stereotypes. Even so, my behavior didn't really change; I didn't suddenly turn into Jack from Will and Grace. I remember one time shortly after I came out, my mom, in an awkward attempt to be supportive, made some joke about being one of the girls. I think when she saw the confused look on my face she understood that I was still the same person, and I am happy to say that that one small thing was also the last.
When I started dating men, I noticed how differently I treated them. I was always more careful with women. I was worried about being too forward, about making them uncomfortable, or forcing myself on them. I didn't worry about that so much with men. In fact, I basically felt as though anything short of violent assault would be taken in stride. If they were uncomfortable, they would stop me, because they could.
I have since realized how warped both those views are, and have been trying to find a happy medium between them. It's not easy reversing years of psychological conditioning, and my view of men is still hurting my current relationship, but I feel that I am slowly making progress.
I didn't expect this post to turn into a confession of my own experiences, but it seems to have done that. But I'm still going to wrap up with what I originally intended. If we want things to get better for women, we have to think about the experiences of men. We need to stop telling boys how to be men, and start telling them how to be people. Because that voice in the back of our heads isn't just hurting us, it's hurting everyone.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Thoughts In Progress
Hey there internet. This week I decided to depart from the usual progress report and do an opinion piece. However, it's taking me longer than I expected to finish so I'm going to post it some time tomorrow. As far as actual coding progress goes, I departed from the terrain generation again. I'm starting to realize that it becomes a time vortex if I work on it for too long. Instead, I decided to work on the GUI code I started way back last year. Anyway, I'll have more to say tomorrow!
Edit: I'm still spinning my wheels on the post I wanted to write because I'm a horribly indecisive person who can't figure out what he wants to say. I think I'm just going to hold on to it until next Tuesday.
Edit: I'm still spinning my wheels on the post I wanted to write because I'm a horribly indecisive person who can't figure out what he wants to say. I think I'm just going to hold on to it until next Tuesday.
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